February 2010
2 posts
January 2010
1 post
December 2009
2 posts
The Spirit of Christmas Present
What does true love look like? It looks like this:
Due to weeks of being on the road for work and a week laid low by Winter Cold 2009, I have been unable to catch even the smallest molecule of Christmas Spirit. Every day that passed without holiday cards getting mailed, cheerful decorations being hung or gifts being selected, I became more and more despondent. I tried to keep my chin up and...
November 2009
13 posts
"It's like a Norman Rockwell painting on the...
OMG Lewis Black, et al., are on the History Channel narrating “Surviving the Holidays”.
Best. Show. Ever.
Finders Keepers
All your blankie are belong to us
Yesterday I mended this old comforter and piled it in the hall to take to the laundry today. It’s headed for Goodwill where hopefully it can have a second life.
Well, it’ll be headed there just as soon as I convince two kitties of that fact.
Apparently I Enjoy Wasting Money and Ruining the...
So.
Today the rental car agent handed me the “keys” to a 2010 Prius. I was all “Sweet, now I can tool around town like the cool kids!”. That was, until I sat down in the driver’s seat and was unable to turn it on. I’m sure I sound like a crotchety old geezer now, but cars need keys. Not fancy buttons and silent engines that you don’t even realize are...
Destroy Him, My Robots!
NEVER FORGET
A snippet from a recent insurance claim for a single lab test:
Amount billed to insurance: $149.50
Amount allowed by insurance: $22.18
Amount paid by insurance: $22.18
Amount paid by me: $0.00
$149.50?! Really, Obnoxious Overcharging Lab Company?! It seems a bit ridiculous that $22.18 is an acceptable rate for insurance clients, but self-pay clients would pay SIX AND A HALF TIMES THAT.
This...
No, I Did Not Get Drunk And Shave The Cat. THIS...
Cheese and crackers! Do you think they could’ve shaved any more hair off my poor girl?! The incision’s not even that big. I’ve stitched bracelets with less “elbow room”. Garbo’s moody, but otherwise seems no worse for wear. Three days of kitty oxycodone and extra snuggles and she’ll be right as rain. Path report should be in in about a week.
Anyone know...
Like Mother, Like Kitty
Today Garbo is at the vet getting a mysterious lump removed from her back. At first it seemed like a benign cyst or other skin thing. But, over time, it has grown and turned lumpy. Maybe I’m obsessed with skin issues having had melanoma in the past. Maybe I’m just a worry wart. Either way, off to the vet she went to get it removed and sent to a pathologist.
I get to pick her up this...
merlin:
An Incomplete Education
I’ll probably get skewered from every angle for this,1 but what the heck. A pal asked me what I know about women for a project he’s doing. Here’s 10 minutes’ worth. Covered with grains of salt like:
Yes, a lot of this goes both ways. Obviously. Give it a rest.
Yes, some of these you won’t agree with. That’s why you and I never dated. Right? Exactly.
Anyhow, for...
October 2009
17 posts
My Traitorous Eyeball
Hello, ocular migraine. So nice of you to show up for two days straight in the midst of 3 colliding project deadlines. It’s not like I need my sight to, say, READ AND WRITE. This photo pretty well depicts what I see when the peeps are on the fritz:
The good news is that episodes usually only last about an hour and there’s no pain involved. Only lots and lots of frustration.
...
Man, you haven’t lived until you’ve had to remove dead tissue from a burn. One part gross, one part painful and two parts horrifying. Luckily for me it’s a small burn and is healing nicely. If I’m lucky I won’t be left with a scar that resembles a Trivial Pursuit pie-piece branding.
I'm In Ur Foyer, Drinking All Ur Beerz
Clearly this hotel and I are on the same wavelength. Yes, thank you, I *would* like to partake of your complimentary beer on tap and finger sandwiches. While you’re at it, throw me a couple of those warm ‘Welcome Cookies’.
While this is cheerfully titled the ‘Sundowner Reception’, I will not be getting to know my fellow travelers any better. The less we know about...
Calling It In This Year
I’m going to be on a business trip for the next two weeks and figured I better pick up some candy and cheery decor now, lest I forget and be one of THOSE PEOPLE. After spending my entire lunch hour carefully contemplating my options, I picked out a plug-in pumpkin (to substitute for the usual rotting gourd here in blazing Florida) and a yard sign (MONSTER MADNESS!). On top of being hungry...
Behold My Many Rods!
While soaking in the tub and enjoying a fine wine-on-a-budget (read: Target wine cube), I noticed that we have what seems to be more than the standard amount of towel rods. In our many previous apartments we were lucky to have a single rod on which to hang hand towels. Bath towels were relegated to the curtain rod.
This bathroom has five towel rods. FIVE. One of which is in the water closet,...
September 2009
10 posts
I Prevent Cat Blindness
Just read about a person named “Taureen”. Which immediately made me ponder the following:
Why would you name your child after an organic acid first discovered in ox bile?
Why would you name your child after an essential dietary element for cats to prevent irreversible blindness?
Spiders are rich in taurine. Eww.
Maybe it’s a typo and they meant “Maureen”. Please...
To The County Water Employee Outside My House
I see you there in your truck, on your iPhone, Twittering your latest dump or sexting your girl or whatever-the-hell. Get off your ass and fix the pump station next door. If that godawful claxon goes off at 2 AM again I WILL BURN THE PLACE DOWN.
Oh, and the little ‘In Case of Emergency’ sign with the phone number worn away by weather? Nice.
August 2009
7 posts
